


Resilience

by IttyxBittyxImp



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Crack, Domestic, Frozen weenie, Gen, Ice Cream, Late Night Writing, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 16:50:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12369939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IttyxBittyxImp/pseuds/IttyxBittyxImp
Summary: Just how far will Hisoka go to prove he's strong?





	Resilience

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this at 2am, just needed to write something silly while working on other fics

It wasn't too often Hisoka would do something stupid, annoying, yes, but rarely stupid. This would be one of those nights, Chrollo and Illumi just wanted a quiet night. Hisoka had hoarded every blanket in the house and made a nest on their couch so big that there wasn't any room for either the assasin or the thief, "Any room in there for us?" Asked Chrollo.

"Too cold." Came from the fort.

Illumi crossed his arms, "It's amazing how you don't react when your arm is crushed, but you can't handle any kind of cold weather." Maybe if he goaded Hisoka he'd get a spot on the couch.

Hisoka popped his head out, "Excuse me?" 

"You heard me. You're not very resilient when it's cold." Knowing Hisoka he'd take that as fighting words,but it was cold he doubted Hisoka would step foot out of his little den. 

Oh, how wrong he was. Hisoka got out from the blanket but immediately hugged himself, "Oh?" Fuck, it was cold! Wouldn't stop him, though, pulling off his shirt and sweater he threw them to the floor, "I bet I can handle the cold better than you two any day." 

"Prove it." Illumi wasn't backing down, and Chrollo kept on alert since a competition between these two could and probably would end in a hospital visit... Still, he wanted to see where this went. No disappointment when Hisoka pulled off his pants and stood completely bare already shivering from the cold, "I can stand naked in the snow for hours, Hisoka." Was Illumi aiming for them having the couch without Hisoka inside at all?

It definitely riled Hisoka up, "Oh yeah?" He looked around in thought, "Well, I bet you've never done this." He moved to the kitchen just what he was getting made Illumi and Chrollo follow after him to see what he was going to do. The clown had pulled out a tub of ice cream from the freezer and plopped it down on the counter and pulled out a spoon from the silverware drawer , "Bet you could never do this." He seemed to say this more to himself as he dug into the middle of the ice cream to make a hole and ate what he took out with high aggression. What he planned to do was made perfectly clear when he grabbed his dick and started to jerk himself to get hard, "Fuck..." His hands were cold from the tub of ice cream, but he kept it up until he was hard enough.

"Hisoka... Hisoka, you can't be serious..." Neither made a move to stop him, though, it would serve him right for hogging the couch.

When Hisoka lined up the tub pushed his dick into the ice cream he slammed his hand onto the table, "Oh, my. Fuck! Fuck that's cold..." Didn't stop him from thrusting into it quickly, swearing up and down under his breath.

Illumi was horrified at the lengths Hisoka would go, "Okay we get it, you ca-" 

"I'm n-not done yet! ... shit..." His hips never stopped moving, but he put his forehead on the counter using his arm to stop them from seeing the tears in his eyes. This was the first time in Hisoka's life he actually wanted to cum immediately with his dick in something, "Fuckfuckfuck." Speeding up his hips he could feel his poor weenie wanting to fall off. 

Chrollo was impressed, "How long do you think he can keep this up?" He just got a shrug for an answer as both watched with horror and Chrollo's mild interest.

After fifteen minutes Hisoka finally came thanking whatever deity there was and pulled out of the ice cream before slamming it on the table, "I made bungee nut..." 

"Are you crying?" 

"I think I broke my minisoka..." 

\-----

They had to drive Hisoka to the ER, the first question the receptionist asked was if it was dick related. Wasn't the first time Hisoka was here for doing something stupid that injured his twig-and-two-berries. Hisoka nodded, snot and tears were running down his face, the receptionist sighed and pointed to his usual seat saying how the doctor will see him soon. The three of them sat there in awkward silence as they waited for a doctor to see their stupid magician friend, "Wh-what if I ca-can't use it anymore..." 

"Should've thought of that before you fucked my ice cream." Chrollo said it as if this was a lesson to be taught. 

\-----

When they finally took Hisoka in, Illumi and Chrollo stayed out in the waiting room watching various videos on their phones. Chrollo pulled out the tub of ice cream and a spoon from the bag he took with him while watching Illumi's phone screen, "You're still going to eat that?" 

He also pulled out a small blanket to drape over their laps, "It's not like it's poisoned from clown jizz." Fair enough. A doctor had came by at some point to let them know Hisoka's trouser snake was fine and he'd be coming out soon.

Sometimes Illumi wondered if this was normal for other people, or if Hisoka and Chrollo were just his type of normal.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed the clown trash man canoodle some ice cream


End file.
